Eagerly have I Desired to Eat

(Luke 22 vs 15)

Sunday morning three years ago
in the middle of our circle
on my knees
I broke loaves of warm bread
poured grape juice in tiny plastic cups
read what Jesus was supposed to say
knowing he must not have been as solemn:
take this and divide it among you
my body broken for you

People prayed, people chewed
heads thrust back
the sounds of swallowing
I spilt Jesus’s blood down my dress.

Sarah brought a wet flowered tea-towel
hands thin and soft
rubbed and patted
dried and smoothed

eat and drink at my table
in my kingdom

A year later Sarah left
after the church discovered
she was gay,
though it wasn’t her behavior
that made us see people
in terms of their sexuality.
She felt judged.
The Sunday School studies
the mediators
still left us broken.

She wrote a song about labels
sang it her last Sunday here.

later they discussed who would be greatest

This morning we read again
there is enough
everyone eats, drinks
wishes they were clean
right with their enemies,
neighbours and children.
I feel her hands
the cool wet cloth on my dress
the rubbing and patting
drying and smoothing.

If I Die

When he was tested
about the woman married seven times
Jesus said at the resurrection
people will neither marry
nor be given in marriage.

It’s the verse I hate most.

If I die
I want Mike to have someone else
(after a three year minimum.)
I’d like her to know I’m not jealous
but it’s a lie.

What if Jesus was wrong
about just this one thing
he never married
perhaps said it only to get the Sadducees
off his back.

I want Mike in heaven
no ’til death do us part
did I say that
pastors can make you do things.

Someone once asked me
why a man can’t love two women
at the same time.
I didn’t have a good answer.

Paul says we shouldn’t marry
unless we can’t control ourselves.

If he’d remarry
she’d just be filling in
but what if it’s the current wife
that gets him forever.
What about first come first serve
and don’t give me that upside-down
kingdom stuff.

There’s got to be sex in heaven.

What if he doesn’t remarry
but I still can’t have him.
He needs someone.
She’ll play ping-pong and pool
like movies
maybe run a marathon.

What if whoever you’re married to last
you get.
What do they do
erase our memories
or is beaming at Jesus
and singing Amazingly Grace
supposed to ease the pain?